Meant to Be Me Page 9

  “Aw, sweetheart. I’m sorry. What can I do?”

  “I don’t know, Darcy. I’m a frigging mess. I feel sick. I look a state. I didn’t sleep a wink without you here.”

  Darcy was quiet a moment. This wasn’t good. She’d headed home last night, despite Anja’s pouting, but she had frankly been exhausted herself and needed a night in her own bed. It had been mostly fine hanging out at Anja’s and the Amsterdam trip had been a happy break for them both, but the pull of a bath on her own turf and a bit of quiet had been too strong.

  “Sorry, love. I needed a bit of time to myself, that’s all.”

  “Hey, don’t apologise.” Anja’s voice was starting to calm. “I didn’t mean it that way. I guess I’ve got used to having you close, that’s all. You’ve been amazing. You know that, right? I wasn’t trying to make you feel guilty.”

  Darcy smiled to herself. “What did you say to him, anyway? When he asked if you’d take him back.”

  “What do you think?” A derisive snort came down the line. “Told him to go fuck himself. I can’t believe he thought it would be that easy.”

  That made Darcy pause for thought. It had never occurred to her that at some point Anja might actually consider taking him back. She wouldn’t be the first person to do it. “Do you think you might one day? Take him back, I mean.”

  She heard a long sigh, and Darcy found herself holding her breath before a quiet “no” allayed a fear she didn’t realise she had. What the hell was going on?

  “I feel on the brink, Darcy. I’m not sure what of, but I don’t know how much more crying I can do. I’m exhausted.”

  “Get some rest, then. I’ll tell Bridget you won’t be in, and I’ll head over as soon as I can get out of here. Until then, try to sleep and be good to yourself. Take a bath, eat some fruit, and drink some tea.”

  “No, Darcy. You’ve got your big date tonight. I’ll be fine. Honest.”

  Darcy heard the crack in Anja’s voice and knew she couldn’t leave her alone in this state. She thought of Eilidh and wondered if she would be as understanding if Darcy were to cancel. She was sure she would be, and Anja was the most important person right now.

  “It’s not up for discussion. I’m sure Eilidh will understand, and if she doesn’t, well, then she’s not worth my time anyway.”

  “Are you sure?” Anja’s voice was tinged with hope, and Darcy knew she was doing the right thing.

  “I’m sure. In fact, you know what? Pack an overnight bag and head over to mine. I think a change of scenery will be good for you, and there’s no chance of Jason turning up there.”

  “Have I told you how amazing you are today?”

  Darcy laughed. “Only the once. But don’t be shy about telling me again.”

  “You’re amazing.”

  “I know. And I’m about to promote myself to super amazing. Make sure you pack a swimsuit.”

  “Hot tub in February?”

  “You got it. I’ve been dying to try it out in winter. We can drink wine and eat cheese until we’re either sick or pass out.”

  Anja chuckled. “Sounds like a plan. I’ll see you later.”

  Darcy hung up and found herself smiling. Then she remembered the text she now needed to send to Eilidh. A stress ball bounced on her desk, and she looked up to find Joe and his smug grin looking at her.

  “What?”

  “Oh, nothing.” He feigned innocence.

  “Stop looking at me like that, then.”

  He clearly couldn’t contain the reason for the smugness. “Cancelling your hot date for Anja? Maybe I had it the wrong way around.”

  She threw the stress ball at him, and it bounced harmlessly off his chest. “I’m serious, Joey, one more word about me and Anja…” She let the threat hang in the air, and he held up his hands before turning back to his screen without another word.

  Little shitebag, trying to stir things up.

  She returned to her phone and tapped out a text to Eilidh, still hoping she would understand.

  Eilidh, I’m so sorry to do this at the last minute. But can we re-arrange tonight? Friend in need and I don’t think she should be alone. Do you mind? D x

  The response was quick, and Darcy breathed a sigh of relief.

  Of course. I understand. Why don’t you text me a time and place when you’re next free? I have a feeling you’ll be worth the wait. E x

  Darcy glanced up at Joe to see if he’d noticed the grin she found herself unable to stifle. He was so wrong. Eilidh’s few simple words stirred so many emotions, so different from how she felt spending time with Anja. Eilidh thought she would be worth the wait, and Darcy had a feeling she would be worth it too.

  Chapter 18

  Dinner had been a tapas of all their favourite junk foods, washed down with a bottle of cheap white wine.

  Darcy flopped on the sofa and rubbed her tummy. “I’m so stuffed.”

  Anja joined her and did the same. “Me too. Do I really have to put a bikini on now? I’m not sure my stomach is going to be happy about it.” She puffed it out. “I look six months pregnant.”

  Darcy laughed. “Well, it’s not as if you need to be strutting your stuff to impress me. I’ve held your hair for a drunken vomit, don’t forget. Nothing will ever be worse than that.”

  “Ugh. You’re never going to let me forget that one, are you?”

  “Nope.” Darcy groaned as she rose to her feet. “C’mon, the fire should have it hot enough by now, and it’s an excuse to open another bottle.”

  “As if we need an excuse.” Anja allowed herself to be pulled to her feet and dutifully traipsed behind Darcy to the bedrooms.

  “True. But at least we can say we were simply following hot-tub law when we’re hungover tomorrow. I’m pretty sure it’s illegal to sit in one without alcohol.”

  Both changed, and despite being wrapped in thick robes, they squealed as the biting cold hit them as they scurried around to the back of the cabin. Snow fell in light wisps, and a good few inches still lay on the ground.

  Fairy lights twinkled under the canopy hung over the wooden tub, and Darcy lit a few lanterns before reviving the wood-burning fire that heated the water. She stirred it with an old canoe paddle and dipped an elbow in. “Toasty.”

  Anja needed no further invitation; she hung her robe and immersed herself in the steaming water before Darcy had even opened the wine. “Here you go.” She handed Anja a glass, propped her own on the side, and followed her friend in to the water, sighing in satisfaction as the warmth enveloped her.

  “This is awesome.” Anja lay her head back and sipped from her glass tipped at a precarious angle. “It’s a shame we can’t see the stars though.”

  “I know. The canopy can come down in summer, but for now, it keeps the rain and snow off our heads.”

  They closed their eyes and sat in silence for a while. The only sounds were the gentle lap of water against the sides and the crackle of the fire. Occasionally, something would scurry nearby in the woods, drawing their attention, but otherwise the forest slept around them.

  A contented sigh from Anja made Darcy open her eyes. She studied her friend, the ends of her hair splayed in the water, her fringe damp from the steam. She looked serene, calmer and more relaxed than Darcy had seen her in weeks—which was something, given the circumstances. Darcy was pleased she could provide a place that made Anja feel that way. To return her friendship, be there in the same way Anja had been through the whole stalker ordeal.

  The candlelight glowed and flickered upon Anja’s face, highlighting the pinkness in her cheeks. Darcy marvelled at her skin, forever tanned and smooth; she’d bet money Anja never suffered with spots as a teenager.

  Before she realised where her gaze was heading, it landed on the swell of Anja’s breasts, semi-submerged and glistening. Darcy watched a droplet of water trickle from her colla
rbone, then trail to her cleavage…

  What the…

  Darcy shook herself. Literally. Wine slopped over the edge of her glass in to the water, and she sat upright abruptly.

  Anja’s eyes were open and looking at her. “You okay?”

  “Yeah. Fine. Thought I heard something, that’s all.”

  She pretended to scan the woods, and Anja followed suit. Only darkness and shadows met their search, and Darcy forced herself to sit back again. Relax. Joe had been talking nonsense, and she was being bloody stupid. She could slap him for playing with her head. So she checked out her friend’s breasts. It didn’t mean anything. They were right there, two feet away; no one would be able to stop themselves from noticing.

  Besides, she’d already had this conversation with herself after Eilidh’s last text. It was Eilidh she should be thinking about, excited about, because Eilidh was interested in her and wanted to date her. This right now with Anja was not a date. It was two friends enjoying each other’s company, and one of those friends simply happened to enjoy boobs.

  “Does it worry you?”

  Anja’s question snapped Darcy out of her internal ramblings. “What?”

  “Being out here alone all the time. What with everything that’s happened.”

  Darcy shrugged. “A little, I guess. I try not to think about it.”

  “Easier said than done, I imagine.” Anja swallowed back her last mouthful of wine and scanned the woodland again. “I think I’d be scared. I’m not sure I’d be able to stand it.”

  As Anja topped up their glasses, Darcy thought about it. “I keep telling myself if I let them ruin this place for me, then they win. I worked hard to be here, and I’m not letting some creepy coward take that away from me.”

  “Well, as long as you’re taking precautions. Being careful like the police advised.”

  Darcy smiled. “Yes, ma’am. I’ve even started researching CCTV. As much as I hate the idea. The thought of it makes me feel as if I’m in a prison rather than my home.”

  “I think it’s smart, and you don’t have to keep it forever, only until the creep is caught.”

  “True. Anyway, with the amount of time I’ve been spending at yours recently, I’ve not had much cause to worry out here on my own.”

  Anja looked a little sheepish. “I’m sorry about that. I know I’ve been dumping a lot on you recently.”

  Darcy waved her away. “Don’t be daft. It’s hardly been a struggle.”

  Anja raised her eyebrows at that. “Really?”

  “Okay, you might have been hard work on one or two occasions.”

  “Cheeky…” Anja poked her in the side with a toe, and they both laughed. “Can we not talk about that tonight? I’m having too nice a time. Let’s make this a Jason-free zone.”

  Darcy stretched out her arm and clinked her glass to Anja’s. “Deal. Let’s make it a stalker-free zone while we’re at it.”

  They sat quiet again, sipping their wine. Darcy thought of Eilidh, wondered what she was doing with her Friday night since Darcy had cancelled their drink so last minute. Their conversations had never strayed to friends or family, and Darcy wondered if Eilidh had an Anja that she could spend a Friday night with, talking shite over cheap plonk.

  She reached for the bottle and was surprised to find it empty.

  “Are we mad if we open another bottle?”

  “Never.” Anja smiled. “In a minute though. It’s too cold out there.”

  Darcy settled back and swirled her hands through the water. “It’s starting to cool. I suggest rock, paper, and scissors for who has to put another log on the fire and get more wine.”

  “I think you’ll find I’m the guest here, Darcy Rose Harris. I’m not moving from this spot.”

  She said it in her stern work voice, the one she reserved for when she had to actually act as Darcy’s senior in front of the bosses, and the use of her full name always told Darcy she meant business.

  “What? That’s not fair!” Darcy flicked water her way. “I think you long ago stopped being a guest here.”

  “Still.” Anja splashed water back at her and proffered her empty glass. “In that case I’m pulling rank.”

  “Fine.” Darcy snatched it from her and plonked it on the side next to her own. “I’m not ready yet though. Let me psych myself up to it.”

  Anja splashed her again and whooped in victory. “Knew you couldn’t say no to me.”

  “Only because you used your Bridget voice.”

  “My Bridget voice?”

  “Aye, that’s what Joe and I call it. When you’re attempting to be authoritative and all Lead Engineer-y with us around the bosses. We play along for your benefit because we figure it would be better to have you rather than anyone else get Bridget’s job when she moves up.”

  “Pfft…unlikely. Plus, who says I’d want to be the boss? The way I’m going with all the time off, they’ll not be offering me Team Leader anytime soon.”

  “Nonsense. It’s not as if you’re off every other week with a ‘cold’.”

  “Bridget wasn’t mad at me being a no show today, then?”

  “Naw, she was surprisingly supportive. I reckon there’s an ugly ex lurking somewhere in her past that’s making her uncharacteristically charitable. Remember how she was all cryptic in Amsterdam? Unfortunately, it did mean I had to put up with Joe on my own again though.”

  “What’s the little sod done now?”

  Wine had always made Darcy brave. Or was it daft? She chuckled conspiratorially and eyed Anja before blurting. “He thinks you fancy me. Or I fancy you. I can’t remember which way round it was today. He’s been at me for ages about it.”

  Anja’s hands stopped swirling in the water. “Really? What gave him that idea?”

  Darcy waved her off, suddenly regretting bringing it up. Why had she brought it up? “Ah, you know what he’s like, him and his wife jokes. Then I cancelled my date with Eilidh today to see you, but no matter. He’s probably jealous, that’s all, and trying to stir up some shit.”

  “Hmm…probably.”

  Darcy had expected indignation and denial mixed with a number of expletives aimed at Joe. Instead, Anja twisted her empty glass on the ledge and remained quiet. It put Darcy on edge. Where was her inappropriate joke that would help Darcy disregard what Joe had said? The longer Anja didn’t say anything else, the faster Darcy’s heart raced, until she could stand it no longer.

  “I’ll go get that bottle.”

  She moved to stand, to get out and away from Anja’s silence, but a hand grasped hers and pulled her back down in to the water. “Wait.”

  The intensity of Anja’s gaze bore in to Darcy. The hand gripped tighter, pulling her closer. Still she didn’t say anything. Goosebumps prickled on Darcy’s neck, and she made to move away. “What’s wrong…?”

  Anja’s lips were only cold on Darcy’s for a moment before they pressed harder and the intensity of the kiss warmed them both. Wet fingers slipped around Darcy’s neck, bringing their bodies together, and Darcy gave in to it. Anja was kissing her. Her best friend. In her hot tub. And Darcy was kissing her back.

  Why was she kissing her back?

  The butterflies felt wrong. An uneasy feeling washed over her, and she pulled away. Breathless and wide-eyed, she pressed a hand to Anja’s chest and separated them fully. “What the hell?”

  Anja’s gaze mirrored her own, as if as surprised as Darcy about what they had done. “I’m sorry, Darcy. I thought…”

  She trailed away, shaking her head, moving back into her seat away from Darcy.

  “What? Where on earth did that come from? I told Joe he was talking shit today. Was I wrong?” Although Darcy had indulged a few fantasies lately, the reality felt wrong. She cursed herself for being so foolish as to think otherwise and for believing that their friendship might automatica
lly translate into something more, rather than consider that they were friends for a reason.

  She had been unprepared for the worst.

  The worst being that she wouldn’t feel the same and it would ruin everything.

  Anja visibly swallowed and looked everywhere except at Darcy.

  “Well?” Darcy prodded. “Say something.”

  “Yes,” she whispered. “You were wrong.”

  Darcy sank back in to her own seat, the words punching space between them. “But…what? And how? Why?”

  Anja stayed quiet. Her breathing heavy, she scrubbed her hands over her face and held them there, as if hiding from Darcy.

  “Talk to me, Anja, because I’m freaking the fuck out over here.”

  “I don’t know. Okay?” Her voice took on a panicked note. “I don’t know when it happened. Or how. But it feels as if I’ve been hiding it for so long, and I don’t want to hide it anymore. I’m sick of hiding.”

  The warm water was doing nothing to rid Darcy of the chill that prickled her skin and she began to shake. Was that shock? This wasn’t new for Anja as Darcy had wondered. She thought back over the past two years, when they had become closest. The times Anja had been there, to reassure her, to protect and look after her. To sleep in her bed and wrap her arms around her when she got scared in the night. She’d allowed her in based on friendship, and now she couldn’t help but wonder if every moment had had an ulterior motive or an excuse to be close to her?

  “How long have you been hiding it? And what about Jason? You’re married, for Christ’s sake, Anja. All the tears over him cheating and then suddenly you’re kissing me and telling me this? What am I? A rebound?”

  “Never. Don’t ever think that. He doesn’t matter to me, Darcy. Not the way you do. We’re connected in so many ways. Ways you don’t even know.”

  Darcy blew out a breath. She couldn’t even begin to fathom the situation, to figure out exactly what Anja was saying and what it meant for them. “I’m not even sure where to start. I mean, were you faking it? Being upset about him?”